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I got home the other night and took off my shoes. Hoping to get my bare feet on some solid ground, even just for a moment. I laid on the floor and closed my eyes. Spinning.
Why does everything have to move so fast?
I feel like the end of my day should not feel like I am getting off of an amusement park ride.
My hand glued to my phone, 500 thoughts ricocheting off the inside of my brain. Wow, my head hurts.
All I want to do is lay on the floor and not move.
My life moves in two different speeds: overdrive and isolation.
Sometimes, it feels like there is just no middle.
No place to rejoice, no place for God to move.
Fast. Fast. Fast. Sllooooooowwwwwww.
In a moment of honesty, a friend and I were talking about how hard it is sometimes to see people so on fire for the Lord, rejoicing.
How are these people so dang happy all of the time?
Why does joy look so fake sometimes when we're not living with it?
Running, running, running.
It's all just commotion, striving, pining after nothing.
Things are literally blowing up and on fire, slaves are being traded, and at the same time my soy chai tea latte was a little too hot when I took my first sip.
We numb ourselves with mundane things because we are too afraid to face what is real.
"as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are temporary, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:18
It's almost amazing how distracted and stressed we can get staring at only what is in front of our faces.
How do we actually find joy? How do we not become jealous or bitter in the presence of others’ joy? Why am I so anxious about things that are really not that big of a deal? What does actual rest look like (because this is not it)?
In this chaotic season, I've been asking all of these questions.
If God has been teaching me anything lately, it's:
"Look UP. Stop wallowing in your own iniquities that I have already washed away."
"Stop treating small mundane things as if they are the end of the world, because you are wasting so much of the gifts I have given you. I need you to be eternally focused when you manage your time."
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
"Daughter, spend time with ME. Dwell in my Word. Stop running your energy out on my creation."
"No, binging Netflix isn't sabbath. Just because it's slow and lazy, doesn't mean it's restful."
"Follow me. But you are not in charge of what they think of me when you tell them. Only I change hearts."
This is what God has been teaching me lately. My heart has been all over the place, with a lot trying to capture my attention and energy. Anyone with me?
Create and carve margins in your life. Give yourself space and time to be in the middle. Find your rest and life in the Lord that makes a home between the lines of busyness and isolation.
Our rest is not to either extreme. And this takes daily effort. Our rest is found in the intersection of what fills our heart and gets us excited and what glorifies God.
Where is that place for you?