Heck, it's been almost a month since I last wrote anything on here.

Y'all, I wish I could say it's because I have been super busy because I'm sooo achievement-oriented and love goals (#2018resolutions) or gosh I've been so exhausted after ministering to inner-city deaf orphans or something. 


No. I have just been super lazy. I haven't made any resolutions.

 I'm actually pretty embarrassed to type this out.


For the last few weeks, I've been the most discouraged I think I have ever felt. It takes all of my energy to get out of bed, all of my energy to get off of the couch, all of my energy to do anything. Exhausted without even doing anything. 


There's this fun fact that sharks cannot stop suddenly or swim backwards. The pectoral fins of a shark cannot bend upwards like a fish, limiting its swimming ability to forward motion only. If a shark needs to move backwards, it uses gravity to sink backwards, not swim backwards. Sharks can't simply stop in order to avoid swimming into something, they must swerve to the side in order not to hit an object in their path.


So why am I talking about sharks?

Because I swear I function the same way.


Is anyone else like this? Incapable of going backwards? Instead of moving backwards, I swerve and freak out or just have to sloooowly stop what I am doing and then I’m just stuck there. I get discouraged or run into a problem and I either freak out and change everything or I'll bury myself in a pile of blankets. 


With everything in this new semester starting back up again, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. And reflecting is something I'm not very good at. It is really difficult for me to go or look backwards. I truly believe that our life is 30% of what happens to us and 70% of how we react and respond to it. 


So how do we react better?


- don't trust your immediate feelings.

 sleep, breathe, eat a meal. It is probably not as bad as your heart is telling you it is. even if it is awful: sleep, breathe, eat. We are told to trust the Lord in Proverbs 3:5, but I feel like sometimes we ignore the second part that tells us "not to lean on our own understanding". We like to lean on our own understanding (duh), but how we initially understand may not align with how we see the same thing at a later time. God is grander than our any circumstance. While we see situations from a limited perspective, God views our circumstances with an omnipotent and eternal perspective. 


Proverbs 3:5-7

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil."


- root your identity.

If our foundation isn't solidified, nothing will be. There is nothing better or more satisfying than your soul being 100% confident in your value and worth. Despite any circumstance, no one and nothing can take that away from you. 


Ephesians 3:17-18

" that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ."


- don't stop. (like the shark imagery) 

(Oh yeah guys, this has been convicting.)

Life does not happen while sleeping in and scrolling through Buzzfeed videos. 

When we are discouraged and refuse to take action, we disqualify ourselves from being utilized by God, even just for a moment. And that should break our hearts.

God does not often speak through a closed Bible and isolating ourselves. 

It is so easy to make excuses on why we aren't taking action. We know our vices. If we were honest with ourselves, we know the things that are holding us back or causing panic. We like to pretend like we do not know why our relationship with God isn't better -- but I think we always know why. We just convince ourselves that we are not ready to change, or we become afraid, or we decide that other things are more important.

I would argue our only responsibility as Christians is to continue growing. That's it. As soon as we are stagnant, that is when we are the weakest. 


Ephesians 4: 15-16

"Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

Colossians 1:10-11 

"so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy."

Allison Schmitz