i'm sorry

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"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death."

Philippians 1:20

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. 

I apologize for allowing my life to affect yours. 

I apologize for breathing where it is inconvenient.

Apologies like stones being tossed, slowly weathering away the surface that it is thrown to. Creating a tolerance, creating a numbness to the word.

I have spent way too much time apologizing. 

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Does anyone else find themselves constantly apologizing? Little things? To inanimate objects? 

If you know me at all, you've probably heard me say, "sorry" a few times.
 

There were seasons of my life that I grew ashamed and apologetic for living.

I hated feeling high-maintenance or putting any kind of burden on anyone.

When I heard that I have made someone upset in any way, it made my whole world come crashing down.

This led to unhealthy levels of perfectionism and people-pleasing in high school and college.

While I have definitely grown in this area, I would be lying if I said it did not come creeping back every once in a while on a bad day.

I was sitting in a chapel service at Dallas Theological Seminary and the speaker that day said -- "being a Christian doesn't mean just being a warm-hearted people pleaser." SHOOOOoooOt, right? How guilty am I of this?

I feel like we can all fall into this trap of being disingenuous and robotic in our daily life. I have to shake it off every morning. 

 

Because friends, we live for an audience of ONE. Our life is not a performance, but a proclamation of Jesus' performance. When I get self-concious of how I'm being perceived, I have to be confident and secure that my only mission is to look more like Christ than anything else. 

 

It is a much healthier life to live when we are looking to Christ's example more than looking around at others' example. 

 

It is a much healthier life to live when we are looking to Christ's example more than looking down at our own failures. 

 

It is a much healthier life to live when we are looking to Christ's example more than looking at the past and what people have said about us.

 

Our identity is in Him and Him alone. Therefore, we must be unapologetic with our life. No more long looks in the mirror debating sufficiency. No more tugging at our shirt when we feel like we look stupid. No more creating the dialogue that we think other people are thinking.

No more comparison. No more apologies.

No more making our own image the most important message.

 

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20