anniversary post

it’s our marriage’s birthday! I’m in complete disbelief that it’s been a year since our wedding day. It’s been a year since we said “I do.” It’s been a year since I apologized for laughing too hard on the altar. It’s been a year since we washed each others feet as a symbol of mutual submission and service to one another. This has been the best year of my life — and I can’t imagine being in this with anyone else.

If I’m being honest, a year ago today around this time, I was crying a little bit. I had a hard time believing that I would be in a marriage so mutual, so grace-filled, so fun.

I had told myself that those *beautiful Christian marriages where they wash each other’s feet* weren’t for girls like me. Girls like me didn’t deserve marriages like those. I believed I had messed up too much, I wasn’t good enough for that, or that any man who would love me like Christ would not want anything to do with me.

So I sat on the morning of my wedding and wept, half tears of joy, half tears of the grace I hadn’t given myself in so long. I’m honestly shaking writing this because I just remember that feeling so vividly.

There are a lot of Christian pre-marital resources out there that talk about *being your best self so that when you run into the person you marry, you’re perfect for them* and I’m sure that works for some people — if you are single and that is a motivation that is helping you, go for it. But I do want to say that if you don’t have your stuff together, you are still worthy of a love that surpasses your own understanding. You are worthy of a loving marriage, loving friendships, loving family relationships. The idea of cleaning yourself up before you are worthy of love contradicts the gospel. A person who loves you the way Christ loves the church (ephesians 5:25) is a love without conditions and despite where you feel you don’t deserve it. Seek that in a partner for your life, and do not settle for any less.