SPOTLIGHT - The Shock of a Savior

About the Spotlight Writer

Hi friends! My name is Hannah Conrad and I’m a senior nursing student at Baylor University. I currently reside in Dallas, TX and work in the emergency department at Children’s Medical Center! My passions are loving on sick kiddos and their families and making people feel deeply known and loved!!!! Also karaoke, if that counts. Let’s grab an ice cream cone and talk about our enneagram numbers/love languages! Yeehaw!


The Shock of a Savior

by Hannah Conrad

As the broken promises of 2018 faded away and the glimmering hope of 2019 made its appearance, I tried my best to reflect on all that had happened in the past year. I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to think about the relationships that 2018 took from me, the self-worth 2018 tried so hard to break down, or the countless times in 2018 that the enemy saw fit to destroy my peace and replace it with anxiety. In 2018, I gave in to my flesh. Over and over I rejected companionship with my sweet savior in favor of my own human heart, one that was growing harder each day in face of a world that seemed to be against it. With each new hurt I isolated myself further as I attempted to keep anything out that may cause my pain to linger, all the while desperate to regain my sense of self and worthiness.

So, reluctantly, I forced myself to look back on what I thought was surely one of the hardest years I’d yet to face. And a theme arose amongst the darkness that I should have expected but had completely blinded myself to: God’s compassion. Though I consistently wavered in faithfulness to the One who is always faithful, still He saw fit to have mercy on my every move. Over and over again I let my pride get in the way of submitting myself in obedience to Him, yet He was the first each time to comfort me in the midst of my suffering. Somehow, I could move further and further from God in the direction of the illusion of self-sustainment, and every step of the way His grace became more apparent than ever.

These truths that I saw poured over me last year should not have been a surprise. Yet, though His unwavering lovingkindness is written across time, somehow I managed to miss it in my own life. As I dig deeper and deeper into the depths of the beauty of the Lord’s compassion for me in 2018, I am both the slightest bit saddened as well as relieved. Sad, if only for a moment, that I was blinded to the presence of such a savior in the midst of my sorrow, but relieved that Jesus allowed me this time to push past the worldliness of 2018 into the depths of His love. I am expectant for both myself and others this year, that we would watch in humble adoration as our Father in heaven, who loves us so, lavishes his extreme faithfulness upon our sinful hearts, no matter how far we’re able to run. In 2019, may our hearts be willing to submit, and our bodies be willing to obey. Jesus, we love you. May our lives repeatedly reflect it.

 

“But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” Psalm 86:15

 

“Know, therefore, that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations” Deuteronomy 7:9