SPOTLIGHT - Psalm 139
about the spotlight writer
Rebecca MacNair graduated from Baylor University in May of 2018 with a Marketing degree. She currently works for Hilton in Dallas, Texas at their Reservations and Customer Care corporate office. She is a Texas girl at heart but has a passion for traveling the world. Some of her other passions include trying new & interesting food and binge-watching The Office.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know that full well.”
-Psalm 139: 13-14
You have probably heard or read this passage many times. And if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably become numb to what these words are actually saying. Or maybe you’ve never even stopped to actually understand what they’re saying at all.
Throughout my four years at Baylor, I remember always coming back to this passage on the particularly rough days. In my head I would repeat the words “knit me together” and “fearfully and wonderfully made” to remind myself that no matter what, my value is defined by God. But to be honest, I never let myself fully believe any of it. I would hear what God was telling me about my worth and value, and then immediately put myself down for not being outgoing or social enough, for not being pretty or skinny enough, for not being smart enough. I believed God’s truth just enough to fake it and preach it to others, but I never allowed myself to fully embrace what He was saying about my own identity. I would allow myself to decide my own value in comparison to society rather than believing that it had already been decided for me.
This vicious cycle of allowing myself to perpetuate lies hit a new level when I graduated from college and moved to Dallas to start my new job several months back. With starting my new job came lots of new opportunities to work with incredible people, take on new challenges and learn new things; but at the same time, I was confronted with this struggle of self-deprecation in a more intense way than I had ever felt it before. I began to realize that in this world not everyone is going to like me no matter how hard I try, and I will forever be surrounded by people who are older and wiser and more successful than me. I was confronted with the opportunity to tell myself I’m worthless and have no value in where I am more so than ever before.
But through the tough love of some true friends, the unconditional support of two incredible parents, and the undeniable mercy of God, I was hit by the realization that if I spend my life allowing myself to decide my own value based on how others perceive me or based on how I think I’m fitting in with the world, then I will completely waste it. My value has already been decided. I was knit together by God’s own hands. God’s work is wonderful and He made me. And whether or not I believe it, he has declared my value. And more than anything, He wants me to believe it.
So I began to challenge myself to change my mindset and change what thoughts consume my brain. I began to see the skills and qualities and gifts God has entrusted me with and started building myself up for the Kingdom rather than focusing my energy on how to fake it in this broken world. My value and worth have already been sealed so there is no need to prove myself or earn the liking of anyone. And God so desperately wants all of us to understand that. If we claim to follow Christ and live a life dedicated to glorifying Him, yet actively disregard the truth He declares over our existence, then are we really glorifying Him at all?