SPOTLIGHT - the little disasters
about the spotlight writer
Hi! I’m Molly and I’m married to the most spontaneous accountant you’ll ever meet. Poetry is my heartbeat but for now I’m writing content for a publishing company. I live in the mountains at 9,500 ft. but I’m originally from Chicago and constantly searching for better pizza. Let’s be friends!
From a spectator’s view my life is a blur of spontaneity; an unplanned and joyfully uncertain whimsical mess. I book plane tickets without much thought, take an average day and infuse it with adventure, and move to a mountain town with little direction.
The way God has spoken to me has always been like this. Even though it appears like I don’t have direction, some days I wake up in the morning and can just feel with certainty that God wants me to do something specific. The confidence isn’t mine—it’s simple faith that God gives me so I can go on this adventure with Him.
When Jackson and I got back from our honeymoon, my faith and confidence was shaken. We started making a list of “little disasters.” Life was good, we were married and happy, but something was off. These “little disasters” weren’t coincidences. I had been reading a book on spiritual warfare (The Invisible War by Chip Ingram) and I had a revelation that we were in the midst of it.
One night, Jackson and I were lying in bed and I suddenly felt sharp pains in my stomach. It was the worst pain I had ever been in. I am a doctor’s daughter, so I was taught when I got sick, I should be tough and suck it up. An hour or so went by, and I couldn’t stop throwing up. I was in pain and throwing up the entire night. I spent most of my time with my face pressed against the cold tile on the bathroom floor with my new and sleepy husband telling me it would be okay.
At five in the morning, we gave my doctor dad a call. He came over, puzzled, and decided I needed to see a surgeon quickly. My dad had always looked me over and told me “you’ll be okay,” and this was the first and only time in my life when he hasn’t. I spent the day at different appointments, then the next night and day in the hospital with I.V.’s and nurses waking me up to check on me every few hours. I was dehydrated, exhausted, and unexplainably sick. Something was wrong with my body but no one could tell us what.
We finally went home, I was able to eat again after a few days, but I still felt unsettled. Why had I gotten so sick? Why did no one know what was wrong? It felt personal, it felt like Satan was trying to hurt our marriage, and to hurt me.
I felt like I had a choice; would I let him?
We had just a few weeks before our move to Colorado, and we struggled to find an apartment. To give you an idea, we applied to almost thirty places. We finally found one and were in the process of finalizing things with the landlord. In an instant, it was snatched up from us, and we were in disbelief. We turned to God, prayed daily, and started memorizing scripture. We had to rely on God and to trust Him fully.
We brought this verse into battle: “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestowed favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” (Psalm 84:11) We prayed and we would remind each other of the verse as our “little disasters” came up. Eventually, we found an apartment. We praised the Lord and rushed to send out a check and lease. The landlord refused to hold the apartment for longer than 24 hours so we had to get to the post office that day to mail it.
As we started to drive, there was a strange clinking noise, then a rumbling, and Jackson’s expression got more and more anxious. We prayed aloud that the car would be okay and that we would be safe. We were running errands, and as we headed into the parking lot, the car brakes went out. That day, we found out our car was useless and heading to a junkyard. It seemed ironic this happened when we were supposed to be turning in our lease. We were aware of the battle going on, and we saw Satan’s scheme.
Satan didn’t want us to move to Colorado, and I think he also has a specific attack on marriage. We scare him, because we worship God, we pray, we read His Word, and we are doing Jesus’ work. We are fighting to constantly bring God’s love to a world in need, and Satan hates that. I’m sure you have heard the phrase “the battle is already won” and it can be encouraging although it is cliché.
This verse brings it home for me, “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in this world.” 1 John 4:4
God’s promises for us are true, and guess what? We made it. We live in a beautiful apartment in a mountain town. We share one car but choose to bike or walk anyway. We are healthy, and we have more courage and a stronger marriage than I ever could have imagined.
I still have our list of disasters on my phone and it has grown. I don’t look at it as a list of hardships anymore though, I look at it as a list of God’s faithfulness. It hasn’t stopped, we still face the spiritual reality that Satan doesn’t want us here every day. When Satan tries to discourage or defeat us, God comes to our rescue, and I am confident He will keep showing up. My initial response has changed. Instead of responding with fear and discouragement to a broken car or an unexplained sickness; I wait. I pray. I repeat God’s truth. And I remember all the times He’s showed up for me before. I wait in anticipation and in excitement, and I watch as He shows up and surprises me with His love all over again.